Feedback Wisdom from the Dentist’s Office

Feedback Wisdom from the Dentist’s Office

Last week, I went to the dentist for my six-month check-up. Let me preface this by saying: I am not a morning person. It was early, and I was running on low energy. My dental hygienist, however, was running on something else entirely—probably nerves. Let’s call her Portia…Portia seemed new to the job, she was hesitant and tentative in her practice, apologizing frequently and moving cautiously through every step of the process.

Fast forward to the dentist’s exam. Everything was fine until the dentist requested an x-ray of my left molar. Portia tried and tried again. Multiple attempts, each met with a subtle sigh or a nervously whispered, “Let’s try this one more time.” Something wasn’t right. 

Then, I noticed another,  experienced hygienist, walking by a couple of times. We’ll call her Kisha. She was trying to look nonchalant and eventually entered. “Hey, can I lend a hand?” she asked, her tone both gentle and confident.

“Yes, please,” Portia replied, clearly relieved.

“I have permission to take over for a sec?”

“Sure!”

What happened next was a masterclass in feedback, delivered with grace and clarity. The experienced hygienist said, “The way you positioned the x-ray film was correct in order to get the best photo; however, you’ve positioned it backwards, so it’s not facing the tooth. That’s why you’re not getting the picture you want.”

In that moment, Portia focused intently on watching the experienced hygienist manipulate the x-ray, listening as Kisha shared her thought process aloud for her benefit. The problem was solved, my x-ray was captured, and the new hygienist—I’m assuming—felt much more confident moving forward. Did I just witness that? Whoa. What stayed with me was the way this entire feedback session went down!

Feedback as an Emotional Exchange

Feedback is basically information. But so much more than an exchange; it’s an emotional transaction. How it’s delivered can either uplift or deflate, build trust or erode it. In that small interaction, I saw the soul of leadership in action—a blend of emotional intelligence, compassion, and character.

Kisha, the more experienced hygienist,  didn’t belittle her colleague. Instead, she acknowledged what had been done well (“The way you positioned the film was correct”) before pointing out the mistake and offering a solution. Her approach was kind and constructive, leaving Portia with both a lesson learned and her dignity intact. 

This reminds me of Rod McMillian’s quote from the book Crucial Conversations that I often use in my trainings, “Respect is Like Air…if you take it away, it’s all people can think about.The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation, the interaction is no longer about the original purpose – it is now about defending dignity.” Feedback is deeply tied to respect and dignity. When we deliver feedback, we’re not just addressing a task—we’re interacting with a person. Respectful feedback honors their humanity, while dismissive or harsh feedback can make them feel small or undervalued. This connection between feedback, respect, and dignity is what allows relationships to grow and progress. The experienced hygienist’s approach demonstrated how to balance honesty with empathy, ensuring the feedback was both helpful and affirming.

What This Means for Leaders

As leaders, we’re often in positions where we must give feedback. It’s easy to focus on the outcome we want without considering the person on the other side. But leadership rooted in character takes a different approach. It understands that feedback isn’t just about fixing mistakes; it’s about building people.

Here’s what we can take away from this dentist’s office moment:

1. Acknowledge the effort. Start with what the person did well. This sets a positive tone and shows that you see their intentions and strengths.
2. Be specific and solution-oriented. Feedback should clarify, not confuse. Point out what needs to change and offer guidance on how to correct it.
3. Create a safe space. The new hygienist felt safe enough to admit she needed help. That’s because the experienced hygienist created an environment where it was okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
4. Lead with empathy. Feedback delivered with empathy strengthens relationships and fosters trust. It shows that you care about the person’s growth, not just the task at hand.

Tying It Back to the Soul of Leadership

At its core, leadership is about connection. Dr. Kim emphasizes a people-centered approach, where balancing a focus on tasks with genuine care for the people behind them is key. Every interaction is an opportunity to uplift, to teach, and to grow—together. The experienced hygienist demonstrated this perfectly. Her approach to feedback was rooted in respect and care, balancing clarity with kindness. She taught a lesson without diminishing her colleague, showing that leadership is less about authority and more about support. That’s the soul of leadership in action.

Reflection Questions:

1. How do you typically approach giving feedback? Is it focused on the person’s growth or just the task at hand?
2. Think about a time you received feedback. How did the delivery impact your response and willingness to improve?
3. What steps can you take to create a safe space for others to learn and admit mistakes?

Call to Action:

This week, challenge yourself to give feedback that uplifts and empowers. I’m starting with my family and then my team. You can start by acknowledging what is going well, and if needed, offer explicit and helpful guidance with empathy. Share your reflections and experiences with giving feedback in the comments or with your team. YES WE CAN lead with character and connection.