Rise Up and Lead

Real Lessons. Real Stories. Real Talk.

Guest: Starlene Eidlett

Opening

Dr. Kim:
Okay, everyone, welcome back! This is Dr. Kim, and you’re listening to Rise Up and Lead: Real Lessons, Real Stories, Real Talk.

I am so excited about today’s guest. We are former colleagues, now friends. It has been many years, and I cannot wait for you to hear her story.

Before I introduce her, let me take you back to our last two interviews.

We started the year with Jennifer Barker. She talked about having the courage to lead and stepping outside of your comfort zone. She shared how becoming a mother launched her leadership journey.

Then we heard from Ellareese Harvey, who revealed how vulnerable it is to be considered for leadership and not yet fully own that identity. She talked about confronting self-doubt and stepping into courage.

And today, I am excited to welcome Ms. Starlene Aydlett.

Starlene and I met in 2007 when I joined Forest Elementary as principal. She was the school counselor at the time. I’m going to turn it over to you so you can introduce yourself and tell us who you are and what you do.

“Leadership Fell Into My Lap”

Starlene:
Thank you, Dr. Kim, for the opportunity to share my reflections on leadership. It’s been an amazing journey—one I didn’t expect.

I didn’t grow up thinking I would be a leader. I believed leadership was tied to a position. I just wanted to do my job well.

I’m originally from a small town in Arizona and was a first-generation college student. I moved to California and worked in residential counseling with gang-affiliated teens transitioning to independent living. Later, I worked in criminal justice.

At one point, I worked for a defense attorney who represented individuals accused of serious crimes. He asked me to go to crime scenes, interview witnesses, review autopsy reports. I opened one file and immediately knew—that was not for me.

So I pivoted.

Eventually, I transitioned into mental health counseling and then into school counseling. And that’s where leadership “fell into my lap.”

Principal Designee: “You’re Up”

As an elementary school counselor in Hampton City Schools, counselors serve as principal designees. I didn’t fully understand what that meant—until one day the assistant principal said, “You’re up. You’re running the building.”

I thought, What does that mean?

She said, “Make decisions like I would.”

That was the moment leadership shifted for me. I had to think differently. I had to show up differently.

At first, it was uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to handling parent situations at an administrative level. But over time, the role became more familiar.

“You Don’t Know Your Own Potential”

A major turning point came when our assistant principal, Tracy, challenged me. I would say, “I can’t do that.”

And she would say, “Stop saying that. You don’t know your own potential.”

No one had ever said that to me in a professional setting before.

She challenged me to step into hard conversations with students. To lead professional development as the school testing coordinator. To stop shrinking in moments that required authority.

She enlisted me to lead before I saw myself as a leader.

From Colleague to Leader

The hardest shift wasn’t with students—it was with adults.

As the only counselor in the building, I operated independently. But when I had to lead professional development for teachers, the dynamic changed.

I had to ask myself:

How am I going to show up?
What are the expectations?
How do I earn respect without being controlling?

That was the indoctrination of leadership for me—deciding how I would present myself and what I would stand for.

From Gang-Affiliated Teens to Kindergarteners

Another major shift was transitioning from working with gang-affiliated teens to kindergarteners.

I remember thinking, Why are you crying? What is happening?

It required refining my soft skills—patience, listening, and emotional awareness.

Elementary students don’t just want solutions. They want to be seen.

I had to slow down. Make eye contact. Listen fully.

And I realized—that’s what everyone wants. To be seen and heard.

Advice for Emerging Leaders

Dr. Kim:
For someone who feels leadership has dropped into their lap, what would you say?

Starlene:
Reflect on a time when you felt truly seen and heard.

Who made the difference for you?
What did they do?

Emulate that.

Genuine leadership is leading people based on what they need—not what you want to give them.

And remember: giving people what they need is not always what they want.

Sometimes you have to speak the truth in love.
Placating is not leadership.
Hard conversations are part of the responsibility.

Closing

Dr. Kim:
There is so much wisdom in what you shared today. I’ve had the privilege of watching your journey—seeing you stretch, grow, and lead in ways that weren’t always comfortable.

Leadership is not about being the expert in the room. It’s about who you are becoming.

Thank you for listening. If something resonated with you, send a message or leave a comment.

Until next time—keep rising, keep leading, and above all, stay true to who you are becoming. Adios.